When Scrolling Becomes the Default
I woke up today at 1pm after a long night of sleep (thank god it's the weekend), and before I knew it, it was 5pm. That's a large chunk of my day gone by, and yet I don't remember what I did in those 4 hours.
Well, I at least know I was on my phone, watching short-form content (reels) on YouTube and Instagram. All I felt at the end was the sobering realisation that I just wasted my entire afternoon, not doing something I enjoyed, but instead mindlessly scrolling on my phone. One could rationalise it as a leisurely activity, but such activities for me are usually accompanied by either a sense of accomplishment or relaxation. I felt neither today, and instead a jittering anxiety, that the world was passing me by, dawned upon me.
If such an (in)activity has such a negative impact on me, why is this the nth time I've done it? I have one guess: It's too cheap to do. It is the same as when I inevitably went out later that same day to get ready-made food instead of cooking my meal, knowing full well that I'd save money and eat healthier if I'd done the latter.
I know what makes me happier. Spending time with friends, to discuss frivolous matters, or to go for a walk. Reading some random articles from hacker news that I think are interesting, even if not applicable to my life or work. Going to the gym and lifting the same weight I've been lifting for the last month or so. Spending an hour practicing a solo on my guitar at 50% the speed of the original.
Notice how all of the above things are not necessarily more meaningful than me doomscrolling on my phone, nor are they less repetitive. Even so, I feel differently when I spend 2 hours on Instagram reels, and I don't fully understand why. I spent over 40 hours on my phone last week, but I can't really tell you what I did or learnt in all that time.
Perhaps this is the reason: Every time I do something, I am paying with my time in exchange for some emotional outcome that benefits me in some way, mostly in terms of memories or skill. Doomscrolling gives me none of that, and I end up feeling like I've been robbed of my most precious resource. If I'm lucky, I'll have some FOMO by the end of it.
I'm not sure what the solution is, but I realise I must make an active effort to figure it out. Will the social loss from ceasing the use of social media apps be worth the benefit of not wasting any more of my time on them? It will be hard to rewire my response to boredom away from "open your phone and start scrolling", even knowing full well that I am only procrastinating my boredom rather than productively acting on it.